I'm DONE, and sad

I've decided that I am done. I will no longer take any more abuse from my brother, Jed.

It is hard, so hard that I am crying typing about it. I love him and for years we were so close. In high school we had many friends in common and we would talk for hours.

Now he treats me like I am an idiot and his slave. When I see him there is never a "hi, how are you doing." He seldom even acknowledges my existence unless he wants me to do something for him or if he wants to yell at me.

When I called him to tell him about Tavis' birth I ended up swearing at him and hanging up because he was yelling at me telling me, "you can't name him Tavis and are you trying to populate the whole city," in really rude tones. After I hung up I cried. The day my baby was born he made me cry with his rudeness.

One time at my mom's house Jed told Tristan that he was going to spank him and I said, "no, your not." Then Jed yelled at me and basically told me that my kids are going to be criminals and that I am a horrible mother.

He has no respect for me and no time for me. He lives most of the year in Arizona hours and hours away and if he calls my house it is to talk to Tony. When he is here I only see him or hear from him if we happen to be in the same place at the same time. Then he only talks to me if I do something he doesn't like or if he is ordering me around. And then he can't be bothered to even say, "Thanks."

But this all came to a head yesterday. My dad was having his annual hog roast and horse riding party. It is a huge party and every year my sister and I go to town to get the supplies before the party. We generally leave the kids with Tony at my dad's house so that we don't have to haul them in and out of the stores and because they love being at Grandpa's. We were taking Tavis with us because he won't take a bottle and I didn't want him to have to cry for me when I was gone.

As we were leaving Jed yells across the yard at us "be back in an hour, don't go shopping."

An hour??? It takes 10 -15 minutes to get to town and we bought nearly $200 worth of stuff, there was no shopping involved. In fact we have only gone shopping on the day of the party once and that year we left several hours earlier than usual just for that purpose. But Jed thinks that the world revolves around him and he wants Tony to help him with the horses on the day of the party and me leaving the kids with Tony makes Tony unavailable to jump when Jed says jump.

But, without rushing we were done shopping about an hour after we left, except Walmart didn't have the beer Jed told us to get for him (and it is a well known fact that Jed will throw a temper tantrum if you don't get him exactly what he "asks" for). So we went to the liquor store and they were out of the cases but had some 12 packs. Then we went to another liquor store and they had 1 case but not the 2 cases he told us to get. So we had to go back to the first liquor store to get the 2-12 packs. All in all spending another 45 minutes driving around for his beer, in my car, using my gas.

This is a theme with our shopping trips for the party. Every year we spend most of our town time driving to all the different stores trying to get exactly the beer Jed wants.

Then we get back with my van Full. And no one can help us unload and Jed is taking Tony right now to get the horses. I said, "hey Jed here's your beer...." And he said, "put it in this cooler and put ice on it!" and drove off.

Then later the kids were riding the horses around the riding pen and he was yelling at them for not doing things right yadda yadda yadda.

By the way Dria is turning into an EXCELLENT rider. She was having the least trouble of any one riding. All of the horses minded her and she was even having the horses trotting and was doing great. I'm so proud of her.

So some of Jed's friends want to ride. The girl had never been on a horse before and was nervous so they were going to ride double and I was helping them because I had just gotten off the horse they were going to ride. But another of Jed's friends runs over and tells them not to ride that horse because that horse doesn't like men. Whatever, so I called Dria over and switched her over so they could have the horse she was riding because she had the gentlest horse.

Then I left and had no more to do with the horses.

About half an hour later Jed yells at me that he had everyone on the horses that he wanted them to be on and that I was NOT to be switching them around because now no one could get the horses to go (we are talking about a bunch of people who had never ridden and Dria and she was having no troubles). I said, "I only switched Dria and she is doing fine, and I only switched her so that your friends could ride." He then said, "the kids are riding before we eat and the adults can ride after." I rolled my eyes and walked away.

OK.

(Incidentally, it was one of his friends switching everyone around so they could ride the different horses.)

I then went about my business not talking to Jed at all and hours later was helping the same girl get back on a horse and Jed yells at me that he knows a bit about horses and that I was doing it wrong (hello, I was raised with horses too you know, AND I probably know this horse better than you because you are in Arizona most of the year and I am here). I said, "And I don't?"

He then said something to the effect that I don't know anything and I am stupid. I can't remember what exactly. It really hurt. A Lot.

Damn, I'm crying again. It wasn't just what he said, his condescending tone was much worse.

So to summarize my interactions with him yesterday.

When we arrived I said,"hi, Jed" he grunted

When we were making our list I asked him if he needed any thing in town and he said ,"Get me 2 cases of beer!" no please or thank you

I called him from town and he told me that 4-12 packs of beer is not going to work, "Go to the other store!"

When we got back from town he told me to put his beer in THAT cooler with some ice.

Then he yelled at me for switching people around on horses.

Then he yelled at me for not doing it right.

Then I packed up my kids and things and left.

This is the second time I've seen him since he came home after being gone for 9 months.

The other time I saw him he asked (yes actually asked, I'm amazed too) if he could have a drink of my water. Then said a general bye as he left.

I'm done. I no longer consider him family. I will not be treated that way any more. I am no one's door mat. I'm done.

And I'm sad, because I love him, and I want my brother back. I'm sad because I've hurt my mom by telling her that I am done with him. I'm sad because I will hurt my dad if I tell him.

If he can ever treat me as a human being deserving of respect and caring I will welcome him back with open arms.

Unfortunately, I don't see that happening