Weight Loss Wed

Well I finally lost some of the weight I gained back at the end of June. I know I didn't post updates but it was just too depressing I gained 11.6 pounds in one week and it has taken me nearly a month to lose 4 of those pounds. I am now 165.4 a place I've been several times before.

I am completely baffled by my weight gain/loss. There seems to be no rhyme or reason and now I am fighting an uphill battle due to starting the pill which always makes me gain about 10 pounds in my boobs. Not that I think that my boobs can get much bigger and I will still be able to walk upright.

Anyway all I can do is continue to try and also try not to get completely discouraged.

Oh and Tony, I tried to "stop worrying about it so much" and that completely didn't work so I think I'll do it my way.

I've had enough

Tony and I talked last night and he told me that he is worried for my health. He believes that everyone in my life just keeps dumping more stuff on me. Add that to my worry for my grandma and he thinks that if I continue on this way I am going to end up in the hospital. The worst of it all is that I seem to have no patience with my beloved kidlets.

Tony told me that I need to tell my family of origin that I am done and to back off. I can't do that because I am at the end of my rope. I can not handle even a little more right now and I am terrified that if I stand up to my foo they are all going to be angry with me. Now, I could handle some anger if it was kept at a distance and not made my problem but, that is not how my foo operates. If someone is upset or angry I am expected to fix it. They bring it right up into my face and basically won't back off until I apologize and make it right by going back to the way things have always been. My mom always says that I am the peace keeper in the family, and I am, but not of my own choosing. That is the role that I am constantly shoved in to. I hate conflict with my foo because I can never win.

So starting Sunday I will not be taking any calls from anyone except Tony. I am planning to change my message on my voice mail to "For health reasons I have decided to take a hiatus from all phone activity, please do not leave a message for me to deal with later. If you absolutely must contact me call Tony and he will give me a message." Then I am going to turn my phone off for a minimum of 2 weeks.

Weight LOSS Wednesday

Wooo Hooo!! I finally lost again. And I lost big. I am 10 lbs down and am now 157.8. Thanks I am sure to the three days of Pilates.

Weight Gain Wednesday, again

sigh, 167.8 up 4.2 from last week, seriously. I have no idea.

Weight Loss Wednesday

Last week I did weigh but forgot to post, I gained 1.4 and was 168. blah

This week though I lost 4.4 and am now 163.6. I think that is the lowest I've been since I got on this roller coaster. So hopefully I'll keep going down,

I've decided that my weight loss is totally random. It doesn't seem to have any rhyme or reason. I exercise lots and I gain I eat like a pig and hardly exercise and I lose.

And it's a Weight Gain Wednesday again

I am now 166.8 or 166.6 my scale was weird this morning. Up 2.6 or 2.4 from last week. Argh. I don' t know what to say. I've been doing lots of walking and have even ridden my bike a couple of times.

Weight Loss Wed

This week I actually lost. I am now 164.2 down 9.8 lbs from last week. This week I still walked but not nearly as much as I did last week. I am completely baffled.

Weight Gain Wed

I gained 5.8 lbs it is insane. I have been careful of what I eat and I walked 7.5 miles this week and I gained 5.8 lbs. Arggggg. Today I weigh 174 lbs. That's it. I'm going to be fat forever. Seriously 5.8 lbs.

Weight loss Wed a week and a day late

On the 23rd I was 172.8 so a gain of 2.8. PMS strikes again.

Yesterday I was 168.2 a loss of 4.6. So with Spring and exercise outside I'm going the right way again. Hopefully by the time I have to wear a swimming suit regularly I won't be ashamed to be seen in one.

Weightt Loss Wednesday, revisited

I weighed for the first time in over a month, this morning and I am now 170lbs. I gained a few pounds, but that is ok because I haven't been good at all. I am now back on track and my sister and I have started doing pilates.

Happy First Birthday Monkey

My baby is one today.

It always amazes me that someone can go from this

to this

In one year, a mere 12 months, 365 days. Amazing.

Weight Loss Wednesday

Nothing, Nada, Zero, Zilch I weigh exactly the same today as I did last week. That will be all.

Weight Loss Wed

I know I skipped a week here. It's not because I didn't weigh. It was because I didn't want to talk about it.

Last week I gained and I still don't want to talk about it so on to this week.

I lost!!! I am now at 166.8 down a few from last week (no I'm not going to say how much, that would be talking about it). That makes me down 1.6 from the last weigh in I'm willing to talk about.

I'm getting there but I am not going to get to pre-preg by Little T's birthday next week so my new goal is 150 by my birthday, March 27th. That is just over 2 pounds a week which is completely doable.

Weight loss update

Today I weigh 168.4 so a gain of 2.6. All I have to say about that is PMS sucks when you are trying to lose weight. Enough said. Back on track for next week.

Weight Loss Wed

Today I decided that I need to get back on the weight loss bandwagon. After resigning myself to a huge gain I weighed and........................... I lost 10.4 pounds!!@!

WOOOOOO HOOOOOO! I ran out of the bed room screaming and the kidlets were all saying "what? what?" I was too busy celebrating to answer, so Bubby said, "I think she saw a mouse." LOL They are just too cute.

Anyway I am now down to 165.8 a 10.4 pound loss.

I don't know if I want to go back to working on it since my biggest loss came after I really completely disregarded all things weight loss. Of course I had one of the most stressful months of my life and if I'd weighed last week I probably would have weighed less that I do now. OK, OK nose back to the grindstone. I am nearly back to pre preg now. Just another 10 pounds and just under a month to my goal day (Little T's b-day).

So here I go!!!!

My Grandma and my stressful month

My grandma has always been my favorite person she and I had a wonderful relationship and although she never showed it when I was little since I have grown up she admitted to me that I was also her favorite.

I'm sad now that she is losing her grip on reality. It is really hard to watch her confusion and so I have been able to find lots of excuses not to spend as much time with her as I should. I admit I have been lax and that it is inexcusable.

It has come to light however, that she is worse off than my mother and I thought. That she has not been taking care of herself properly and that she should not be living alone. In a previous post dated Nov 2 "That is Just Wrong" I talk about the family problems that have cropped up around her inability to care for herself. Well slowly and without any consistency, my mother and her sister have been looking for a better situation for my grandma. The steps have been continuing in there underhanded ways and a whole lot of nothing has been done.

On the 12th of Dec Grandma called my mom in tears, "they took me to the office and tried to get me to sign papers," when my mom asked what kind of papers of course grandma had no idea. " I just kept telling them that Sandi (my mom) has power of attorney and I don't want to sign anything else." The they that grandma was referring to were the steps.

My mom was dithering about what to do, so I said, "she can't stay there" and I offered to let her stay with me until my mom and her sister came up with an alternate plan.

Grandma came to stay with us on the 14th. It was hard having her here because honestly she needs more help than I am able to provide. Having her here was better than having her living alone though. On the first day she was here I heard her get up and in the half hour after she got up and before she came out of her room, she took her meds twice. I then had to take them away from her, on a pretense of child safety, and give them to her at the appropriate times.

She was and is very confused and likely to ask the same question 900 times in a 10 minute period. She also tells the same story over and over and over and over....... Those were not the hardest parts for me though. I am an introvert and I absolutely must, for my sanity, have alone time every day. Grandma absolutely had to be with me at all times all day long until she went to bed at night. So between that and Little T's teething I had someone with me 24/7. I was starting to go crazy.

She also, of course, had very different ideas on child rearing. We are a family very tolerant of a child's needs to have minimal clothing on at all times. Grandma insisted that the children needed to be fully clothed. At one point she held N down and tried to force her to get dressed. After that N was afraid of grandma. So I had to intervene and keep N and grandma apart without making it seem as though I was keeping them apart.

So on Christmas Eve my sister arrived and agreed to stay with grandma and my children so that Tony and I were finally able to go Christmas shopping for our children. While we were out my aunt (the step daughter in law) called me and yelled at me for "kidnapping" grandma and trying to "take her away from us" She finished with, "are you going to let us see her for Christmas?"

Let me just say here that I never took sides in the fight over grandma and that I think that the whole thing is entirely juvenile and ridiculous. I expressed this to the aunt and said of course they could have her for a time on Christmas as she was planning on that.

The aunt then said that my taking grandma to keep her safe was silly since it has been over a year since grandma has needed more help and why should I suddenly take it on myself to move her in with me without consulting anyone. I told her that my mom and her sister were aware of my plans and that grandma called her to tell her she was coming to my house for an indefinite amount of time.

It was a terrible conversation and it nearly left me in tears.

So Christmas Eve we had at my house with my mom and at the end of the night my mom brought up to grandma her options for places to live. Grandma just kept insisting that she only wanted to go back to her house. (which is absolutely not an option as it was sold years ago). She got so upset that only Tony could talk to her and my mom ended up going home with nothing decided. My mom had talked to an assisted living facility and had someone coming to evaluate grandma on the 26th which she didn't tell grandma about due to her upset.

Christmas day Grandma went to spend the day with her step children and I don't know what happened during the day, but when she came home she was so upset she fought off tears for the rest of the night until she went to bed.

On the 26th a lady from the home came to talk to grandma and she does indeed need more help as grandma was unaware that the day before was Christmas among other things. I then went to take a nap with Little T and while I was sleeping grandma recited to Tony all of the things that the steps had been trying to convince her of for months. She also insisted that she wanted to go home.

I called my mom and she arranged to take some time off work and came and got grandma to stay with her. Grandma is moving in to the assisted living place on Monday and we moved her things yesterday.

Hopefully she will be safe and happy there.

Weight Loss Update

176.2 down .6 so not a huge loss but a loss. I really need to get with it or I will never meet my goal of being back at pre-preg weight by Little T's first birthday.

Weight loss update

A gain today. Just a little one though. I gained .8 so am now 176.8. I really need to excersize more.

That is just wrong

I am so angry right now.

My Grandma is being taken advantage of, and it pisses me right off.

My Grandma is in the grips of dementia, she forgets to bathe, brush her teeth, and to change her depends. She forgets that she has something cooking on the stove. She even forgets which decade it is.

For the last 10 or 12 years she has been living in a senior apartment building and though she misses her home she has gotten used to living there. Now they are trying to force her to move to a Nursing Home. She doesn't want to and is adamantly refusing to go. She is absolutely digging in her heels and nothing is moving her. The reason she is so adamant is that when she was moved from her home it was against her will and she is not going to let that happen to her again.

A little background. When my grandma married her second husband she acquired two step children whom she never adopted. She also already had three children of her own whom her new husband never adopted. My aunt, grandma's second child, died 35ish years ago. So now my grandma has two children and two step children. Her husband (my grandpa of the heart but in reality step grandpa) has been dead for 20 years. My mother is my grandma's third child.

15 years ago my mom was living with grandma as she had just gotten divorced. Grandma had a stroke and my mom took care of her when she got home from the hospital ie; buying groceries, washing her laundry, paying the bills, fixing meals, etc. At that time grandma gave my mom financial and medical Power of Attorney. Shortly after ward grandma's step daughter in law (sdil) and step daughter (sd) decided that my mom was sponging off of grandma and that grandma needed to move to the senior apts. Sdil got in my mother's face and told her that she had 2 weeks to be out of grandma's house. And then sdil and dil proceeded to go through grandma's things and throw things away and give them to their kids.

Now they want to do it again. For the last little bit things have been happening at grandma's apt and the grandma's friends have been calling sdil and ss to tell them about the incidents. Then sdil calls sd and tells her. But no one calls either of the dds. After the dds said no to the nursing home sdil and sd finally tell the dds about the incidents. So now my mom (dd3) and her sister (dd1) are in agreement that maybe it is time for grandma to be somewhere that would be safer for grandma. But the dds are trying to convince grandma that it is a good idea.

So last week sdil calls dd3 and asks that she and her husband get POA "not necessarily instead of but in addition to you, because we live closer and do more things for her." Dd3 says no, because grandma has said over and over "I don't want sdil to know my financial information."

So yesterday, without telling anyone sdil and her dh (ss) took grandma to the bank and convinced her that ss should be on grandma's bank account. Wait, it gets better, and then didn't tell anyone that they had done this. The only reason we know is that dd3 went to the bank and was asking questions in her position as financial POA and was told that they couldn't divulge that information to anyone but ss because he was on the account.

So why did they decide now to get ss on grandma's account? Because dd3 said that she wouldn't let them share POA? Maybe?

I do believe that they have declared war, and the only casualty is going to be grandma.

Why do people have to be such jerks?

Weight loss update

I need to change my weigh in day. I never seem to have time before we need to leave on Wed, that or get up earlier. lol But I think I'll just change the day to Thursday. So today on Weight Loss Thursday I am 176 down 2.6! YAY!