Tony and I talked last night and he told me that he is worried for my health. He believes that everyone in my life just keeps dumping more stuff on me. Add that to my worry for my grandma and he thinks that if I continue on this way I am going to end up in the hospital. The worst of it all is that I seem to have no patience with my beloved kidlets.
Tony told me that I need to tell my family of origin that I am done and to back off. I can't do that because I am at the end of my rope. I can not handle even a little more right now and I am terrified that if I stand up to my foo they are all going to be angry with me. Now, I could handle some anger if it was kept at a distance and not made my problem but, that is not how my foo operates. If someone is upset or angry I am expected to fix it. They bring it right up into my face and basically won't back off until I apologize and make it right by going back to the way things have always been. My mom always says that I am the peace keeper in the family, and I am, but not of my own choosing. That is the role that I am constantly shoved in to. I hate conflict with my foo because I can never win.
So starting Sunday I will not be taking any calls from anyone except Tony. I am planning to change my message on my voice mail to "For health reasons I have decided to take a hiatus from all phone activity, please do not leave a message for me to deal with later. If you absolutely must contact me call Tony and he will give me a message." Then I am going to turn my phone off for a minimum of 2 weeks.
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